Culture clash
I grew up in Germany and moved to Sweden as an adult. It was quite a challenge to get used to the differences between the cultures. In Germany everything is pretty straightforward: we talk about things, we fight, we discuss, we agree or we don’t. There isn’t much in the hidden or things that rumble under the surface. If someone is annoyed, they show it so you can react accordingly. An important part of the German culture is also to be critical - something that is a result of recent history. When I went to school we were all fostered to think critically, to evaluate according to our moral standards and to develop our own ethical compasses so history won’t repeat itself. We were warned of the dangers of peer pressure and to be aware of the dangers to follow authorities blindly. It was a result of the “denazification” and more than necessary.
In Sweden the culture is quite the opposite and I had great difficulty fitting in. Here people don’t talk to each other, they give passive aggressive clues that everyone has absorbed with their mother’s milk and that are quite difficult to decipher for immigrants. There are certain rules that everyone follows: don’t talk about anything deeper than the weather with colleagues, don’t socialise if not expressly asked to and don’t argue. If you argue or raise your voice you are automatically in disadvantage. You won’t get anywhere if you are direct, outspoken or opinionated. If you honk in traffic everyone will look at you and think “omg what a rude person in that blue Volvo!” and probably tell everyone about that impudence at the dinner table!
Here in Sweden you have to take a number for standing in a line so no one will be forced to look at anyone and still know when it’s their turn. But don’t dare to cut the line! If you do that, someone will get a heart attack because of the suppressed anger and die because of you - you don’t want to be responsible for that.
If you want to make someone really, really uncomfortable take a seat right beside someone at the bus or subway, though there are free seats around you. Then start making eye contact. A Swede will probably call the police because they feel threatened by a friendly face. Fun fact: a woman in Borås once reported another woman for harassment on her evening walk because she smiled at her unsolicitedly!
So now I am on my way to move to Israel - the country where everyone is direct and casually asks for your greatest fears and childhood trauma when you happen to sit next to each other on the train from Tel Aviv to Netanya. When I asked my friend Lara how to best get into touch with my agent at the Jewish Agency she told me “be pushy”. Can you imagine what kind of huge culture clash that means to me? If I would be pushy to anyone here in Sweden, I would get nowhere. On the opposite, the person in charge would probably hide my case deep inside a pile of files so it won’t be found again, ever.
But in order to get my file to be processed I will have to do it the Isreali way, call, send emails and … be pushy.
But honestly? I can’t wait until I won’t have to take a number anymore when waiting in line. To honk like a daredevil in traffic. I have chutzpah built in deep inside my DNA. And maybe that is the reason why I never really fit in here in Sweden.