In limbo

Still here. Still waiting. Still stuck in Aliyah-limbo.

Just a small update from my personal bureaucratic purgatory.

I’m still waiting for my apostilled papers from Germany — this time, it’s the German police record. A document that is valid for a whopping… six months. Six!
In Aliyah time, that’s basically the lifespan of a fruit fly.

My Swedish police record? I already sent that one in months ago. It expired while the Jewish Agency was “reviewing my file.” Reviewing is a generous word. “Putting it in a drawer and occasionally blowing the dust off” might be more accurate.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to get the German version. And honestly? The bureaucracy is starting to feel like a horror movie directed by Kafka.

You can’t do anything online.
So you print the form.
Then you send it by regular mail.
With a stamp from a Swedish Notarius Publicus — 50 dollars per stamp, because why not throw financial pain into the emotional pain?

And then… silence.

Six weeks go by.
Not a whisper. Not a peep. Not even a passive-aggressive German letter.

So you try calling.

Their phone hours?
Tuesdays and Thursdays.
09:00–11:00.
That’s it. Two tiny windows of hope.

You sit there dialing from Sweden, listening to the hold music, watching your life flash before your eyes.
After one hour, a voice finally comes on the line — only to announce that the office is now closing and you may call again next time. Danke schön.

While all of this is happening, the Jewish Agency is still “reviewing” my proof of Judaism.
I have three letters from rabbis and congregations. Are they enough?
No one knows.
They won't say.
It’s like spiritual Schrödinger’s cat: my Judaism is both accepted and not accepted until someone decides to open the box. In Tel Aviv.

What I fear most is the timeline:
After finally getting the apostilled German document, they’ll say:
“Actually, we need one more thing.”
And while I hunt that down across Europe, the other documents will quietly expire again — like bureaucratic snow melting in the sun.

I grew up in Germany. I’ve survived German authorities before.
But this? This is a whole new level.
This is German bureaucracy + Israeli bureaucracy = a cosmic test of patience, sanity, and possibly faith.

So if you have a minute, light a candle, say a blessing, send good vibes, or just scream into a pillow for me.

I’ll keep you posted.
Hopefully before the next document expires.